


Sold to Shrek

by goldgalaxytea



Category: Bee Movie (2007), Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Ass Slapping, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Barry B. Benson is your dad, Crack, Crack Fic, Eventual Smut, F/M, Joke Fic, Jokes, M/M, Multi, Onions, Other, Shrek is your daddy, Spanking, but not detailed smut, great jokes, great puns, i hope you know you shouldn't take this fic seriously, i wrote juicy wayyyyyy too many times, its all a joke, joke, more like funny smut lmao, onion kink?, onion suit, puns, shrek is sexy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 13:02:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21428641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldgalaxytea/pseuds/goldgalaxytea
Summary: Your dad, Barry B. Benson, decides to sell you to the owner of the onion industry. A very rich and powerful man named Shrek.
Relationships: Shrek (Shrek)/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Sold to Shrek

**Author's Note:**

> My friend said "Imagine a Shrek x Reader where you get sold like a shitty One Direction x reader fanfic" so here we are ;)
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: This is written bad on purpose lmao don't take this seriously

You wake up as you do every morning, dreaming of big round juicy onions that are so juicy they drip juicy juices. Your mouth waters as you think of all that yummy yummy onion juice. You almost nut just thinking about it. 

Your alarm screams bloody murder as all star plays for the 1000000 millionth billionth time. You have the urge to twerk until your ass flies off and out the window and assassinates your ramen pubes annoying orange president but you're running late for your stupid college classes about stupid college things so you resist the urge.

You quickly throw all your notebooks and dummy dumb school assignments into your onion shaped backpack. You reach into your closet and grab your slutest outfit, an onion suit. You slowly slip it on like a girl in a reverse porno and take a good moment to admire how fucking dummy thick it makes your ass look. You give one little twerk, just one, not two, just one, to watch the layers jiggle. You style your hair but whipping and neighing and then strut down the stairs.

As you reach the kitchen so you can grab a toast and run to college since you're late like an anime character, your dad, Barry B Bensen, calls you into the living room. You strut in like a runway model and freeze as a giant green man talking to your father turns around to face you.

Time slows down as his beautiful watermelon face comes into view and your eyes connect. Your heart goes BUMP BUMP BUMP and threatens to squirt out of your chest right through your nipple like a broken McDonalds ice cream machine. You admire his gorgeous booger colored skin and his big juicy muscles. Your eyes turn into literal hearts, as does his. Your dad smiles a tiny bee smile, showing off his tiny bee teeth.

"I'm glad you're drooling over each other already. Offspring I've decided to sell you to Shrek. He is a very rich and powerful man. He owns the onion industry."

You take in his big juicy behind and his super duper pee pee bulge that's the size of a bowling ball. He takes in your onion suit and all its glorious and juicy layers. Your heart eyes turn into an eggplant emoji and so does his. Shrek turns to your father.

"You're their dad but I'm their daddy now."

He takes a large meaty green toe finger hand and smacks your ass with as much force as he can. You go flying out your front door and into a giant onion carriage. Your ass cheeks are as red as a blushing ketchup bottle. Your excitement grows, you can't wait to get to your new home and have your juicy avocado man peel you like an onion.

**Author's Note:**

> ily Sam <3


End file.
